How to get along with the OTHER parent?



Marcus, Mitchell and I in 2010



 The phone rings everyday like clock work around the same time and it is Mitchell’s father wanting to say "good morning". It drives me crazy and seems ludicrous but it is what it is. Over the years Mitchell has been learning to have conversation on a phone and its been painful to watch. A phone is a poor substitute for a father and that is all I will say. However, I made the decision long ago to foster a relationship between Mitchell and his father until Mitchell is able to sustain it on his own. I figure that is at least 10 years away. So for now I keep answering the phone.

Marcus and I in 2005

Mitchell’s father and I met in 1989 when I was introduced to my friends’ classmates from Baylor. I did not like him at first. I thought he was rude and abrasive and enjoyed using his size to his advantage. I still feel this way. We didn’t date till late 2003. And when we dated I saw a different side to him than this mean tough guy that he let everyone else see. I broke-up with him months before Mitchell was born and we have not been together since. We do not see eye to eye on many things, not even Mitchell but his father has learned that I am very thorough and does not argue with me on decisions I make.

It’s been a bumpy road being a single parent with no support from the other parent and yet trying to make sure that my son has a relationship with his father. I bite my tongue often and pray A LOT.

Marcus and I in 2004

But seriously, how do I do it you ask?

1. I pray, A LOT! I pray to be quiet, to be fair, to be vocal to have my son’s best interest at heart. God is in control!
2. I bite my tongue-OFTEN!
3. I separate child support issues from visitation issues
4. I only listen to the facts and dismiss the mean and snide remarks
5. I remember my whole goal is Mitchell and NOTHING else
6. I try to take me emotions out of the equation. Doesn’t always work but I try
7. I do not talk to him when I am angry even when he tries to force the issue
8. I refuse to argue with him in front of Mitchell--- Mitchell's Dad grabbed me once as I was walking away and Mitchell came roaring to my rescue. It broke my heart to see my 3 year old feel the need to do that.

9. 

   Kristel (my buddy) and Marcus in 2005

   I keep in mind that I am the ADULT and not to have childish temper tantrums. I admit I have had a few before out of sheer anger and frustration.
10. I keep in mind that fighting never solves anything.

These are not absolutes but guides. As single parents we will be more frustrated than parents in two parent homes because it’s just us. And some of us are struggling with what to say and do about the other parent, for whatever reason. Take the high road, but know that the climb is steeper and much more challenging than the low road. The rewards are worth it---happy healthy kiddos!

Enjoy your children as they mature. Find something to love about every stage.

Please feel free to leave comments or questions, until our next date have a good one!

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