Tidbit Tuesday: The Importance of Friends of the Opposite Sex

 I have always had friends and always been a friend. It is one of the titles that I truly treasure. When I was younger I was a tomboy which meant I hung out with the boys...a lot! That has never changed over the years. I still have a lot of guy friends and I need them now more than ever. They are great sounding boards. They put up with my crying and being girlie and just let me be me. I love that about them. And then there was Charles. It was 1985 and we were at a football game. I was leaning over the stadium railing looking lost and miserable, I was probably doing some "teenage girl" drama thing. And this guy walks up to me with a can of coke and says, " have coke and a smile!" He did make me smile and we became fast friends.

Charles and his wife Betsy

Charles loved me unconditionally and I still don't know why.  I would cry and he would let me. We talked, laughed, passed notes and shared private jokes for two years. He treated me like a Princess and told me that any guy would be lucky to date me ( I was still in my awkward ugly stage). He was gorgeous, about 6 feet tall, a diver with jet black hair and beautiful brown eyes. He had that dark Latin skin (he's Cuban) and those super white teeth that kinda blinded you. Ahh, the beauty that was uniquely Charles.  Lots of girls wanted his time and attention. But he seemed unfazed and would always find me in a crowd.  The two years we spent together along with Erica, Carlos, Christina and DeWayne were just what I needed before heading out into the real world. I was a year older than Charles and so I graduated, left town and came back the following year to see Charles and my sister graduate. But  by this time the inseparable duo had come apart. Oh, don't get me wrong! I still love Charles with all my heart but we have not physically seen each other in 25 years.



DeWayne and I at our 25 year reunion

 One day I saw Charles' last name on a website but it was attached to a woman. I knew he was married with two children so I thought, this could be his wife. I called the number and asked to speak with her. She wasn't available to I made an appointment to see her.  Just so you know I wasn't being some random stalker, she also had educational information that I wanted for my job at the time. Betsy and I chatted for a moment and then I looked up and saw a picture of Charles in her office. I got teary eyed and asked if that was her husband. She said yes, then she paused and looked at as if she were seeing me for the first time.
And she said, "You are Hilarie. Charles told me about you.....he told me that you were the only platonic (female) relationship he ever had and that you guys were really good friends." Then she said, "its nice to finally meet you."
I smiled and inside I felt like the 16 year old princess Charles once told me I was. We chatted about Charles and other friends and had a really good meeting. It was a great day.

Robb and I, may he RIP

Over the years there were other men whom I have shared and continue to share powerful friendships with....DeWayne, Robb, Michael, Bruce, Elyess, Paco, Jay and Nate. But Charles started it all with unconditional love, his calm demeanor and his acceptance of my very "girlie" behavior at time. I will always love him for these things. I wish every girl could have "A Charles" in their lives.

Paco, Elyess and me

But why is this important?

1. All friendships are important. Humans are social creatures and weren't created to be alone.
2. Everyone needs someone to talk to.The opposite sex are great sounding boards.
3. The opposite sex provides insight that might not otherwise be taken into account. Charles was great at that. I remember once whining to Charles that a cute boy I liked did not say Hi in the hallway. After going through all my teenage hysteria and female dramatics, Charles simply said....go up to him and say "HI" maybe he didn't see you! Can I tell you it worked like a charm. LOL
4. Male female relationships teach you how to communicate with the opposite sex.
5. I need my guy friends in raising this boy, I have lots of questions and I ask them.
6. Some of these friendships can turn into the greatest love affairs, but all will not. I did marry and eventually divorced a childhood friend of mine.
7. Charles taught me to accept people at face value and not wish for them to be more.
8. He also taught me that men can be emotional creatures and they need hand holding too.
9. I learned from my male friends that they need to talk too and when they do, let them.
10. The most important thing I learned from Charles is that every man needs a good buddy and every woman needs that great girlfriend. But opposite sex friendships are just plain fun and can be downright hilarioius!

Me, DeWayne, Edgar and Erica

These are not absolutes but guides. Friendships are so vital to us as humans. Enjoy your friends, spend time with them. They are truly the family we were able to choose.

Feel free to leave a comment and until next time. 

Nate and My Mom in NC