Sleepless Single Mom's

Its 4:00 AM and I am up again, unable to get back to sleep and my mind is racing! As a single parent shouldering the burden of raising child(ten) alone is it is understandable that there will be sleepless nights. Give yourself grace. But there are many times my mind simply cannot shut itself off.

I am worrying about what I have forgotten to do, what I need to do and what I am unable to do. I worry about money most of all, the health and well being of my son and me staying in good health. These are not abnormal worries that only plague single mom's but many parents all over the world. My disclaimer is there is no perfect solution to sleeplessness and some of it you may want to discuss with your doctor. However, if you have had a few sleepless nights here and there, check out these suggestions:

1. Give it to God---First thing I have to do is remind myself that God is in control! Everyone that subscribes to my blog may not be a follower of Jesus Christ but I am.  HE grounds me. HE gives me hope and reminds me that I have a future. I need to remind myself to pray for my needs and not only to pray for myself and my family but the needs of those around me. It is in my quiet moments with God, that my restless heart calms down and allows me to relax and get back to sleep

2. Hot cup or tea-this may sound insane and many people do not want to get out of bed. But I am telling you that a warm cup of chamomile tea, lavender tea or sleepy time tea does the trick for me. Please do not reach for a cup of lipton tea full of caffeine and then complain to me that you were up all night, LOL. I have been specific regarding the teas that I have suggested.

3. Reading--as a single parent I never have enough time to read. It is frowned on to read and drive (which is really the only time I have to myself). There is always something on my nightstand that I need to read or want to read. Turn on a small light and grab your reading glasses and dive into a good book. I find that once I give into the book and lose myself in the story,  I can begin to relax.

4. Exercise-studies have shown that exercising before bed will release endorphins that give you energy but near bed time your body will begins to relax and you can fall into a long nights sleep.

These are not absolutes but guides. Enjoy your children at every stage and appreciate them where they are. Try not to wish for them to get older, time will take care of that soon enough.

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No Fuss Party Planning

My hot date has a December birthday and when he was born one of the first things I decided is he would not be cheated out of a birthday just because it was close to the most major holiday on earth! It was not his fault when he was born, in fact it was mine (but that's another blog). In my decision to not cheat him I realized that I meant that he would have a party on or near his birthday. Birthday party planning is a unique challenge some parents either chose to deal with or not deal with. Here is what I do for my child:

1. Look at my budget-I have yet to meet a parent (n real life) with a bottomless wallet. Some parents have more to spend on parties than others. Spending or not spending tons of money does not equate to a better party. In fact, I have had a shoe string budget at times and have had some amazing parties. 

2. Pick a place-after I get a budget in place I look for what I can afford and what works with what my sweet boy desires. Let me just say that he loves Laser Tag but that stuff is expensive and that is before you provide any food. So pick your place carefully. And be sure to ask the important questions:
How early can I set up?
May I bring my own food?
What are the times available?
What is the capacity of the room/venue?

3. Set the date and time-keep in mind that time determines how much food you will serve. If you arrange your party during the hours of 10:30 am-1:00 pm everyone will expect lunch and the same goes for dinner times. 2:00-4:00 pm is the best time to do cake, ice cream and drinks. 
Setting the date is important because whats the point of a party when none of the guest can come. Be mindful of who you are inviting. Sunday parties are hard for the church goers like me. I explained early on to my hot date we would try to make Sunday parties but God came first. I think over the years parents have learned due to low turn out that Sunday parties are just too hard. 

Fruit Kabobs made the night before the party

4. Actual Planning-before you plan reference your budget and look at your "must have's"
For me I must have:
cake
food
goodie bags
Please know that not everyone is like me so make sure you are sticking to your budget or else what is the point of one. Grab one sheet of paper and fold in into fourths so that you have four sections. 
In my four sections I put: guest list, food items, money to be spent, check list. I carry this one sheet of paper with me until the day of the party. 

5. Making it easy for myself-hmm, what can you do to make it easier on yourself. If ordering pizza and having it delivered works for you do that. For me I make things ahead of time. This year we had fruit kabobs and I made those the night before. I made goodie bags the week before that. Each time I went shopping for party items I left it in the car so that the car was basically packed when it was time to head out. 

Party Planning is not a favorite for some parents and an absolute joy for others. Keep in mind that party planning for kids has an end date and will not last forever. These are not absolutes but guides. Be sure to enjoy your children at whatever stage they are in and have fun. Don't be in such a hurry for them to grow up, time will take care of that for you. 

Mitchell's 5 birthday party at a bowling alley

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When I introduced My Main Date to My Hot Date

Dating can be nerve-wracking at any age. But dating with a young child is especially difficult. To add to it, dating with a son who has never had to share you is a challenge I will say that I was not ready for. I am still stumbling through life trying to see around corners and anticipate outcomes before they happen. I have learned that I need to relax and give Jesus the wheel.  Although my desire is to be married and have a larger family.....the journey has been much more than I bargained for, hence the need for prayer. My hot date and I have both learned a few things through this process.

Only introduce your children when both you and the person you are dating are ready. I will say that I wasn't as ready for my hot date to meet my main date as he was. I was apprehensive and nervous. I had never introduced my son to a man I was dating before. I think that I over thought the situation and made myself much more nervous that I needed to be. My son has met plenty of men in his lifetime at church and school and this wouldn't be much different.

Do not assume your children understand. When I first tried to explain dating to my son, it was a disaster. Of course I thought it went well until the next day in the car. He had an emotional out burst because he did not understand that I was not replacing his father. At this point I felt it was wise to include his father so that we could both reassure our son. This may not work in all situations but it has worked well for us and set firmer boundaries for my son's father.


Let your children ask questions. I have told my son over and over again that he is allowed to ask me anything. When he clams up and is quiet during a discussion I stop what I am doing and get down to his level so he can see my eyes and understand that I am his Mom and that will never change. This is normally the reassurance that he needs and then he launches into a new set of questions. "will I date one day?", "who will I date?" I am thrilled that we are having these open conversations.


Never stop having conversations....I am communicator, actually I am a talker and I have given birth to talker. So for us talking is not a -problem. I do not have to create moments but I do have to remember to stop and take time to effectively communicate. If he wants to talk about oranges I as the parent need to be mindful not to launch into a conversation about apple sauce. I think we all get hung up in our own world and we forget that we are supposed to teach our children.

Have fun dates where the children are included....My son has time with me alone, with his father alone, with his father and I and now with my main date and I. Needless to say my son is overjoyed each time he gets to spend time with the people that he loves. It is a challenge to make sure each adult gets equal time with him but for now it is working out well.

These are not absolutes but merely guides. Until next time remember to enjoy your children and love them in whatever stage you are in. Until

What Family Game Night Can Teach

Our family loves games and my hot date is no exception. I started playing games with him when he was 4. At that age he was old enough to understand taking turns and rules of the game. Each child will vary in their ability to grasp these concepts. His first board game was Chutes and Ladders. I still giggle each time I see one in stores or at someones house. Games are a great way to teach some very valuable life skills. We have advanced to Yatzee, UNO, Scrabble. Monopoly, Trouble and The United States Game, plus card games. And he loves them all! 

Here is what my hot date has learned from playing games with the family...

1. Cheaters NEVER win! I think its natural for children to want to win at a game and to try and cheat. I think we all needed to be or need to be taught how, “Not to take the easy way out”.  My hot date was no different. What he learned early on is that cheating never allows you to win, it actually sets  you back a few places or takes  you back to the beginning of the game. 
2. Taking turns and waiting your turn makes for a more enjoyable game. Oh, this was a hard one for an only child but it was definitely a lesson I was determined to teach him. When we started playing with larger groups he was impatient about waiting his turn and would often rush other players or grab the dice and begin his turn before others had finished moving or their transactions. I taught this by first, taking the dice before his turn and talking to him about waiting and patience. I also encouraged him to watch the board and see what others were doing and how it would effect him. LOL, Rome was not built in  a day and this concept wasn't taught in a day either. It took time and patience and I still have to reiterate “taking turns” from time to time. 
3. Monopoly has taught him to count large sums of money quickly and correctly. I love the game of monopoly for so many reasons. We started playing with him when he was 6. He was slow with money at first because of his age but we waited and helped him out and encouraged him to take his time and get his money count right. I was not surprised that he improved in his fast math facts over time by playing the game. Funny enough, since my hot dates likes to build houses and hotels on his property, he also taught himself how to multiply. Allow your kids to develop their own style of playing. My son haggles and heckles other players but can take it when others do it to him…he knows its all in good fun and when to stop...most of the time. 
4. Losing is a part of life. So when we first started getting into harder board games, like Dinosaur Train, Sorry and Trouble, I had to explain that he was not always going to win. And that if he wanted to win he needed to EARN it. I refused to dumb anything down for him or let him win. This gave him a HUGE sense of accomplishment when he did win because he knew I did not let him win. It is making all the difference in the world. And his "happy dances" and huge smile are worth me losing to an 8 year old. 
5. Life isn't fair. When he does not land on “free parking” or get the correct roll of the dice he wanted in Trouble or the winning card in UNO he no longer falls apart. He plays the game full on and with gusto but no longer craters when he does not win. However, he will ask for a rematch! This is because I remind him that he played well and that is what counts. I tell him that he played fairly and I appreciate that. I talk to him often about life not being fair…..he understands this well because he is an only child who would love to have siblings and that isn’t going to happen in our current situation. 

These are not absolutes but guides. Enjoy your children at every stage and appreciate them where they are. Try not to wish for them to get older, time will take care of that soon enough. 

Letting Your Children Experience New Things

Letting your children experience new things is a scary and fun thing for parents to do. It also depends on how you child is experiencing new things and with whom. I dropped my hot date off at Pine Cove Camp in the City this morning and we were greeted by 20 young counselors in green and khaki singing good morning and cheering us on as we drove into the parking lot. As I drove to the back of the building, several huge inflatables came into view. We counted 4 and then my hot date spotted what I call a “bungee” jump. Kids are put into a harness (much like rock climbing) and allowed to jump and flip with the aid of ropes. Its a fabulous idea and I am kinda jealous they were not around when I was a kid. 

Once inside, I immediately noticed the gymnasium of the school they are hosting at was turned into an African Safari with about 20 pop tents set up around the room and a variety of counselors telling you where to go and who your child’s counselor would be. Each tent was labeled with a tent name and then the counselors name right under it. My hot date was in awe and stood next to me trying to take it all in. While I filled out his pick up and drop information worksheet he was guided to a tent to meet his counselor. After I turned in the rest of my paperwork i walked over to where he was to say good bye. He glanced at me and waved......his counselor reminded my of my friend Robb Ripley. I walked away smiling knowing if that kid was half the counselor Robb was back in the day, my hot date was in excellent hands. 

But how do you begin to feel this comfortable with trying out a new situation?

1. Be nosy, ask questions, be a mom....that's what we do. I am always relying on trustworthy friends to give me the scoop on anything new. Note, I said trustworthy! I have learned through my own experiences not to trust just anyone when it comes to my child. There are a few people I smile politely at when they make suggestions and keep on going. This is not the time to be outgoing and trusting. We are talking about our children. 
2. Research! There is this amazing tool we all have at our fingertips and it is called the world wide web. Google the information that you need. If there are no phone numbers to call and no addresses or list of reviews.....move on, this is a red flag!
3. Go check it out. If you still have doubts and want to know more, do a drive by and/or go visit the place. I did this when I wanted my son to take tumbling classes at The Little Gym.
4. Talk to the staff. Ask the staff if their children attend or have been through what you want your child to experience. Obviously the camp counselors are so young they do not have nor will they have children in camp. However, its telling if they all went to this camp as a kid and have returned to be a counselor. That is exactly how I became involved as a volunteer at The Foster YMCA and eventually Board Chair of the Alief YMCA.  
5. Ask your child. What a novel idea? Ask you kid (only if they are old enough to make the decision) if they are interested in baseball camp/sewing camp/. Children have loads of opinions if asked and even if they are not asked. 

These are not absolutes just guides. Enjoy your children at every stage and learn to appreciate where they are. Don't be in such a hurry for them to grow up, time will take care of that for you.

Eating Healthy

Spinach tortilla chicken, sweet pepper wrap with cheese puff (the unhealthy kind) and strawberry's

Its been a long while since I have written about my hot date. I have been busy writing blogs for others and I have not had as much time for my own. But WE ARE BACK! 

Summer 2014 has been filled with water, sun and loads of great food. I will admit when I am tired I do not make the best food choices for myself or my hot date but that is changing. Since he has always been such a great eater and eager to try new things, I feel no qualms about introducing new healthier foods to him. It does not hurt that we have friends that are always willing to share healthy eating options with me. 
So here is how I do it….

1. I do not make a fuss…since my hot date is 8 he can see me bustling around in the kitchen and may or may not come in and inquire about what I am cooking. If and when he does, I give him the shortest answer possible. For example, this is a green smoothie. I do not add that it is full of fresh greens---that is TMI (too much information)

2. I make it pretty….whatever I serve him I make visually appealing. Yes, it takes a bit more time but tell me how many mom's can get their children to devour sauteed spinach, lamb chops and almost every fresh fruit in the grocery store?

3. After he likes something, I tell him the health benefits…my hot date loves salmon and so each time I introduce a new kind of fish to him I start off by telling him it is healthy like salmon and here are the vitamins you are getting and this is how they help your body. 

4. I have not given up all junk…its sad but true! We both like chips and we love sweets so I give them out in moderation. Many times even if I offer chips he eats so much of the fruit/vegetables and protein offered on his plate that he is not hungry for the chips. Its a mind over matter thing with this kid. If its offered, he does not feel deprived or tricked into eating something healthy.

These are not absolutes just guides. Enjoy your children at every stage and learn to appreciate them where they are. Don't be in such a hurry for your children to grow up, time will take care of that for you. Until next time…..

Tide Pods:Oh how I love thee!

So my hot date is messy. What boys aren't? Well he not only gets himself dirty bu everyone around him as well. I cannot tell you how many times he has touched my shirts with filthy hands or walked by and wiped his mouth on my pant leg or shirt. GROSS, I know but I can either be furious about it (which I am tired of being) or get an outstanding detergent that gets rid of all these little stains. So I chose the outstanding detergent.

Tide-No stain is sacred

TIDE has done it again!
One day in the grocery store I saw this bag of pods and the Tide logo on it. I decided to try it for a variety or reasons. Our old detergent wasn't cutting it anymore and the price was too good to be true. And after one bag of 30 pods I WAS HOOKED! Let me tell you why you should get hooked too:

1. You only use one pod per load
2. No more messy measuring, scooping and pouring.
3. Tide always has online coupons
4. Your clothes get clean and smell fresh in one wash
5. The pods are neat and tidy. no more mess or drips
6. My whites look amazing and my colors are vibrant
7. The pods are available in a variety of packages...you can buy from as little as 5 to 45
8. Tide stands behind its product
9. Return on Investment....we use less with the pods and save money and get clean clothes
10. The name you trust has reinvented itself once again. 

You don't have to to take my word for it. Try TIDE pods for yourself and become a believer. 

Just throw this in the wash and go--its just that easy