Teaching Your Teens to Handle Falls/Failure

Decades ago before my hot date was even a thought I was a young, hip teenage girl. I was popular and fun to be around, or so I thought. Of course my humor seemed to be in all my missed steps and no so much in my words. I would not label myself as a walking klutz but I was not always careful to look where I was going. I  was 16 when my “fall” happened.

Alief Hastings High School

It was in the South House of Alief Hastings HS in 1985, on the back stairwell near the Burger Shack. I decided that I would wear these absolutely fabulous chocolate peep toe pumps my mother had given me. I was in a plaid skirt, with my over sized safety pin (you all remember those?) and a tight brown sweater and I thought I was super “hot stuff”. Oh, boy! Had I known what was in store for me I would have worn baggy sweats and a big t-shirt.

FIGHTING BEARS!

So the bell rings, I walk out of class with Anita and head toward the stairs, doing the cutest walk I could in those high heels. I made it down the first set of steps just fine. On the second set of steps somewhere in the middle, I lost my footing and went tumbling down the stairs, actually tumble is too graceful a word, I fell, HARD! Books flew one way and I flew another. I slammed into the Plexiglas doors at the end of the stairs, it actually sounded like a wrecking ball slamming into a building. And you know everyone turned to see what the noise was. There were about 1000 students changing classes in the South House that day. And it was right before lunch. As you can imagine, there were teenagers everywhere.  I don’t think all 1000 saw my fall but hey, if one person saw it, that was enough! I landed oh so gracefully on my face with my skirt up over my head!

I laid there for what seemed like an eternity trying to blend into the tile floor, like a chameleon. I wasn’t hurt or at least my body wasn’t. My pride was bruised and battered. I knew I had to get up. By this time Anita is rushing to my side and so is a very handsome senior, I think his name was Javier. I can hear the gasps and the giggles behind me and in front of me. After Javier got me on my feet, he asked if I was OK. All I could do was nod.

I looked at Anita and turned a nice shade of crimson and asked her, “was it bad?”

She looked back at me with sadness in her eyes and nodded “yes”.

Javier opened the door for us that led out into the crowded hallway and there was nothing but students of all ages laughing and pointing. I felt like I was in a fun house with distorted faces coming at me and pointing and laughing hysterically. Lots of the boys were doubled over with laughter and close to collapsing on the floor. When I say awful, I truly mean awful like I could have and wanted to die at that moment.  All I could do was lift my chin and walk with Anita to our lockers.

That fall happened over 25 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. That was the day that I learned to hold my head high. I have had other “incidents and embarrassing moments” but none with so many people watching or as humiliating as that fall. But it makes me wonder…..

How do we teach our children to fail/fall and learn from it?

1. Allow your children to fail, it truly builds character. I am thankful for that fall.
2. Let them talk about it, every now and then I need a good laugh and reminder of that day.
3. Allow them to feel the pain and give them time to mourn/mope/be sad. I was embarrassed for months. And I didn't wear heels again until graduation.
4. Once the pain has subsided, ask them if they gained anything from the experience.
5. Keep the lines of communication open. Keep talking.
6. Pray with them. I could have used some prayer after that fall.
7. This is the time to give them spiritual tools to handle tough situations.
8. Don’t shush them when they want to talk about their failure or fall
9. If you are not your children’s confidant make sure there is a responsible adult who is, like another family member, teacher, youth leader, church member or one of their friends parents. I had a teacher and a friend of the family to confide in. They were awesome for an awkward teen like me.
10. If you feel comfortable let your children know you failed or fell as well. My hot date will know this story one day.

 Years later I was on a recruiting trip with a very short co-worker. We were in our recruiting uniforms in the airport in Miami. We were in our recruiting uniform, with blue company button downs, black slacks, heels and matching black rolling luggage with laptop bags over our shoulders. She kept fixing her hair and stopping to check her teeth in her compact. Her nervousness and being all girlie was totally out of character for her.

After about 10 minutes I asked her what's wrong?"

She said in an exasperated voice, "people keep staring at us and I cant figure out why"

I laughed and said, "oh, don't worry about it, they are staring at me and wondering what WNBA team I play for. I get this all the time, even in this outfit."

She just stopped and stared at me for a long time and then she asked very quietly, "How do you stand it?"

She had no idea about my fall decades before and how I learned to hold my head high and keep going no matter what. I just smiled at her and said, "I'm good, I've learned to live with it."

 These are not absolutes but guides. We need to continue to prepare our children for the future and that also means allowing them to fail at some point. As painful as it may seem, failure is a part of life. No one gets it right the first time around.

Enjoy your children. Find something about every stage to appreciate. Feel free to leave a comment and see on the next hot date.