Tidbit Tuesday : Allowing other men/women into your child's life

My hot date is loved by so many. I gladly share him with friends, family, my YMCA  family and our church.

Kevin and I volunteer together at the Y. Kevin gave Mitchell the nickname "Lil Homey" two years ago...about a year after they met. Kevin refers to him by this name whenever he speaks of Mitchell or asks about him, which is often. I never questioned the name or knew where it came from. Two weeks ago I saw a FB post from Kevin where he was speaking in the first person and the post started with "Big Homey". It was then that everything clicked and I understood where the nickname originated. I admit I shed a few tears.
Kevin=Big Homey
Mitchell=Lil Homey

It makes me smile to see this special relationship develop between my son and a man that isn't his father or a man that I am dating. Mitchell has several of these relationships with men in the family and various men at church. These relationships are vital to Mitchell as I watch these men teach my son skills his father should be teaching as he matures.

I realize as a single mother there are things I am not able to teach my son, so when is it appropriate to allow other men/women into your child's life? I knew before Mitchell was born that I would need to strategically place men of God and family men in his life so that he could see what it looked like. I can’t ask Mitchell to do certain things if I don’t model it for him or provide a model.  I have been very purposeful with some of this and other relationships Mitchell has developed on his own. It’s been interesting to see it all unfold.

Here are the people that are and have been important to Mitchell's growth:

1. The tough guy-my Uncle Kenny, oh boy! Everyone in the family will agree with me when I say "Uncle Kenny doesn't play" and he doesn't. Best lesson Mitchell learned was to put on his own shoes and speak up. He and Uncle Kenny worked on this a few summer's ago and it was painful to watch at times but I knew Mitch needed it. I would try to intervene and Uncle Kenny would stop me dead in my tracks with that look and say, "No let him do it." or "Speak up Mitchell, I can't hear you" in his very firm but loving voice. Uncle Kenny is Mitchell’s great Uncle and my father figure.
2. The handy man-My cousin Mike or Uncle Mike. Not much he can't fix or do. Mitchell loves watching him put stuff together or take it apart. Every boy needs learn to be handy around the house or a car. Uncle Mike can do both. Uncle Mike is also the world’s best dog trainer, so you know he is a gentle giant and very patient but still firm---he is after all, Uncle Kenny's son. Uncle Mike and I grew up together fixing and putting things together around the house…I still take pride in the decks we built.
3. The gamer-my cousin Doug! His children (late teens) play everything and he plays tennis and golf. He and his son Chase take Mitchell out on the golf course and tennis court every time we are in town. I love that. They all seem to have fun, I love that they all get that time together. Uncle Doug is also Mitchell’s God Father.
4. The man of God-for now I am the God person in Mitchell’s life that will transition soon as I look for signs that  someone is ready for this role, I know Mitchell is more than ready to have this man in his life. This man will be the one who can talk to Mitchell about what being a man of God means.
5. The friend/homeboy-Kevin is always greeting Mitchell with a pound and then they “blow it up together” and a very heartfelt “what’s up man?” Mitchell loves it and seeks Kevin out each time we head to the Y. The bond they share is priceless and necessary for Mitchell as he builds friendships of his own. Kevin entered Mitchell life at 3.
6. The teacher-Jim and his wife teach Sunday school at our church and also run our community group that meets weekly. Mitchell has a lot of respect for Jim and his wife and has no problem answering biblical questions they fire at him. They also have a teenage son (who heads to college in the fall----we will miss him dearly) whom Mitchell adores and I love that. Mitchell takes teaching from Jim very seriously. Jim and his wife entered Mitchell’s life at 3.

These are not absolutes but guides. As single parents we need to prepare our boys and girls for the future. They will not be children forever and there are some things we aren’t able to teach. God places ordinary people in our lives to do some extraordinary things. Enjoy your children as they mature. Find something to love about every stage.

Please feel free to leave comments or questions, until our next date have a good one!

YMCA's in Houston

Lil Homey and Big Homey

Our Church-Christ Community Church